Do It For The Plot, Obviously

I have a really bad habit of saying, “Do it for the plot,” immediately before making a decision that Future Kaitlyn may or may not have to deal with. And listen, "Future Kaitlyn" has been through enough...She probably deserves a fucking vacation at this point.

Somewhere along the way though, “do it for the plot” became more than just something I say before doing something questionable. It became a way I look at life. Because what is a plot without a little chaos? What is a good story without the parts where everything goes completely sideways? Jekyll and Hyde don’t have shit on me and the 50 different forms of myself I’ve met throughout my life. There have been versions of me that I’m incredibly proud of, versions I barely recognize anymore, and versions I’d probably grab by the shoulders and scream, “BABE. WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING?” But... I needed every single one of them. That’s the point, right? Every plot teaches you something. Every bad decision. Every embarrassing phase. Every person you should’ve left alone. Every time you trusted the wrong person. Every time you stayed too long, left too early, spoke too loudly, made yourself too small, got your heart broken, embarrassed the absolute shit out of yourself, or did something completely outside of the person everyone expected you to be.

It all shapes you.

We spend so much of our lives trying to stay inside these invisible little boxes. Be responsible. Be normal. Don’t be too loud. Don’t post that. Don’t wear that. Don’t say that. People might judge you. People might talk about you. People might think you’re weird. Okay... And? Are those people going to be sitting beside you when you’re 80 years old telling your grandkids about your life? Probably fucking not. So why are they getting editorial control over your story?

Listen, I GET IT! I spent YEARS worrying about what people thought about me. If you know me, you definitely know that little tid bit.. And I know I probably come across confident as hell online NOW, but there have been plenty of nights where I replayed someone’s words in my head wondering, "Is that really how people see me?" Eventually I had to ask myself a much more important question:

Why the fraaaaack do I care so much about the opinion of someone whose life I wouldn’t want?

That changed a lot for me. Especially because, and here comes some character development people, I used to be a mean girl too.

Retired now. Benefits sucked.

But I can admit that there was a time when I spoke badly about other people because I didn’t like myself very much. If everyone was looking at someone else’s flaws, maybe they wouldn’t notice mine. I didn’t understand it then, but I do now. Guess what though? That plot shaped me too. Because now I know what insecurity disguised as cruelty looks like. I know what it feels like to be talked about, and I know what it feels like to be the person doing the talking. So... now I get to choose differently. I can be kinder. I can hype another woman up instead of seeing her as competition. I can recognize when someone’s cruelty probably has more to do with what’s happening inside of them than anything happening with me. Without that shitty chapter, I might not have learned that lesson. THAT is what I mean when I say do it for the plot. I don’t mean intentionally destroy your life because it’ll make a hilarious story later. For the love of everything Holy.. do not do that... I just mean LIVE.

Stop secluding yourself to a life built around rules you never actually agreed to. Stop shrinking yourself into whatever box you think will make you easier for other people to accept. Wear the thing. Start the business. Post the video. Change your hair... I do it like 80x a year... Tell the story. Go places alone (with protection please...). Try something you might absolutely suck at. Love people. Lose people. Make mistakes. Change your mind. Be embarrassed. Start over. Because even when the plot doesn’t go the way you wanted it to, there is almost always a lesson hiding somewhere in the wreckage. Been made fun of? Now you know exactly how badly words can hurt. Maybe that teaches you to use yours differently. Had your entire life fall apart? Maybe you’ll never look at someone else going through their own disaster and tell them to “just get over it.” Trusted the wrong person? Maybe now you understand boundaries. Hated yourself? Maybe one day you’ll recognize that same hurt in somebody else and be the person who reminds them of everything they’ve forgotten about themselves. We get so obsessed with asking, “Why did this happen to me?”

Sometimes we forget to ask: “What did this teach me?” Empathy. Patience. Confidence. Boundaries. Kindness. Resilience. Self-respect. Sometimes the worst plots create the best character development. So no, I don’t want a perfectly formed life where I made every correct decision, never embarrassed myself, never pissed anyone off, never got pissed off, and successfully became exactly who everyone else thought I should be.

That. Sounds. Boring... as hell.

I want stories. I want inside jokes. I want ridiculous memories. I want plot twists. I want chapters that almost broke me and chapters where I couldn’t believe how fucking lucky I was to be alive.

So, when I’m old, wrinkly, probably still inappropriate, and my grandkids ask me what I was like when I was younger? I don’t want to say: “Well, I really wanted to do a lot of things, but I was worried about what people would think.” Fuck that.

I want to sit back and say, “Baby, you better sit down. This shit gets good.”

Do it for the plot. Let it be messy sometimes. Let it teach you. Let it change you.

And most importantly, make sure the person holding the pen for the story of your life, is you.